There isnt a mountain too high

The day I waited for has come and gone and it was OK. I arrived at court hoping the first person I would see would be my solicitor, unfortunately it had to be my husband, we politely exchanged good mornings, he sat down and within minutes launched into taunting and goading, I took my leave and waited upstairs until my solicitor came.

An hour later having sat through other cases, we were told to wait outside for a hearing in the family court, again he took the opportunity to try a little intimidation, this time in front of some poor unsuspecting gentleman who didnt know where to look. I said nothing and went and found my solicitor to request he find me somewhere else to wait, which he did and waited with me.

When the time came it was over in a minute, a date was set for the 20th of September and that should hopefully be it.

I had forgotten what it was like to be treated like this and was quite surprised at my inability to stop shaking and annoyed that his behaviour can still have this affect on me.

It got me thinking later on, how on earth did I cope all those years, which led me to thinking about my faith, which seems dissappated in some sense, but realise it feels like that only because I no longer attend church and in some sense miss the positive involvement I had all those years ago, visiting the sick and housebound and being a special minister.

I was fortunate as at the time we had quite a radical priest who managed to make going to church and all other related activities a happy, fun filled experience, and Im sure this got me through and gave my life a sense of some balance.

The following posts I found on Youtube made me smile. Whoopie Goldberg here I come!! I just adore all that positive energy she exudes in this song...Oh Yeah!!!

Many rivers to cross

Ive been interested in Native American culture for some years,I loved reading about their traditions and customs and have been fortunate enough in the past to attend an evening in the presence of a Native American who came a small village nearby and gave talks, demonstrations on how to make a medicine bag and even ran a sweat lodge. His name was William two feathers of the souix clan and he himself was a medicine man and had undergone the sundance, he showed us the scars on either side of his breast.

Not only was he extremely handsome in his native clothing and his long dark hair, but he also had a lovely aura, very gentle and so warm, I fell in love as did my friends who went with me to the event. On second thoughts make that I fell in lust ( more appropriate wording )

Earlier during some training for voluntary work in mental health I enjoyed the experience of the use of art therapy as a tool for exploration of thought, feelings etc and at the end of the session we would have a guided visualisation using a book called The Quest which worked using the same principals as that of a young indian entering into manhood and undertaking his personal quest or journey.

During one of these visualisations I remember imagining myself as a young indian child sat on a hillside, with my horse and rabbits playing around me, the animals possess qualities that are relevant i.e. the rabbit is symbolic of intuition.

What really struck me though at the time was this awareness that I was looking down toward a river and on the other side of this river was a big tent ( tepee). I experienced this strong feeling that inside this tepee sat an old man, the keeper of wisdom and he was waiting for me to cross the river, but something in me was saying 'its not time yet'.

Ive never forgotten it and its often come back to mind and I feel that same calling.

I think its time!!! I feel strengthened and calmed by this image tonight, a bit emotional if Im honest...Tommorrow after 8 years of waiting is the first date of court proceedings regarding my divorce and settlement. The wise man waits, and I must cross the river, and sit with the wise man in trust.