Ive given up trying to fathom myself out I think..acceptance of the now seems to be the order of the day..felt as if Ive been living in the land of Limbo for some time and to be positive its much better than some other places Ive felt trapped in, so patience..a little more patience is all thats needed.
Im keeping my feet firmly on the ground as far as the final hearing going ahead on the 16th of November is concerned, not allowing myself to fly away with the notion that this time it will definitely be closure, and perhaps its seeping into all areas of my being when it need not. Its like the shadow in the distance that will either finally disintegrate or hang around for a while longer, what is it they say...Never fear the shadows it means there is a light shining nearby.
In the meantime my flight is booked for New York and even as I write this its feels as if its someone else Im writing about and not me which is ridiculous. When I tell myself it is me..I feel the excitement, the fear, the anticipation...It is ME!!!! Im flying on the 8th of November from Aberdeen to Amsterdam and on to New York city for 5 whole days. Back to work for one day and then.....Well hopefully no more waiting.
Manhatten in the fall, Central Park in all it colours, falling leaves, fresh crisp air and the Statue of Liberty...symbolic? Leading onward as nature does, to Paris in the spring with Alan (a city he would love to visit my surprise, my thankyou for his being him) a loyal friend, a good man, generous with his heart.
There, the shadow doesnt have the power to block the view nor obliterate the colour after all.