Monday, 6 August 2007

A grateful heart is a happy heart

My post today is a simple tribute

In the true beauty of nature is the true nature of beauty

The words written above are not mine, they, I see as the blossom that was once a seed that grew and flowered. They come from a place called Time and a word, a special place Ive always seen as a garden, others who visited it may have their special name for this place that will be just as meaningful to them, as will its creator and author.

This is my tribute, my acknowledgement,my adieu,for I find it impossible to leave without a thankyou,a smile, to walk what some might call the road to Emmaus and not share what I found there in personal terms.

We blog, such a simple,small word isnt it, a little voice inside my head sometimes asks why, do you have one too I wonder. I remember someone I had a great respect and regard for saying to me " Audrey, accept that sometimes, just sometimes, there is beauty in mystery" "sometimes we need to simply accept, stop asking WHY " and smiling I think that this may well be one of those mysteries, so many reasons why, all valid, so whats to question.

As Ive already said when I stumbled across Time and a word it was for me like entering a garden,so many beautiful images capturing a moment in time, such variety and at times very evocative. The words accompanying them had within them a quality that made them more than words, they had that something that turns mere words into a voice that caught my attention and had me sitting silently in the shade for a while, happy to hear, absorbed, interested and a times challenging the who am I, what do I stand for, what do I believe. Time and a word became part of my inner journey too.

In the true beauty of nature is the true nature of beauty

For me at a very deep level everything I ever need to know is contained in this one statement, because for me she has been my best teacher, the wise one, the one who knows the secret to life and living in all its ups,downs, growing,shedding, sprouting, flowering,dark and light each with its own unique and special purpose.

As a child I spent so much time in her company, observing, listening, being educated in the ways of life and not merely caught up in the activities of daily living that make up our lives, for me she was always more than that. My parents fed my body as did the labours of so many others on this planet, but she also fed my soul as no other can and she was constant.

Times when I refused see or could not see but she was always there calling me back in so many ways. "come look and see again, lets talk you and I in the silence of the heart". She, in her ways always has time for me and every now and then I realise how little time I make for her as Ive grown older, the beauty that is hers and hers alone, that she gifts so freely.

She herself provided the antidote to the many nettle stings acquired through taking a risk to reach my goal, usually wild rasperries, a close up look at some small furry animal nestling in the long grass at times wandering aimlessly simply to escape pain or trouble, she providing the breathing space, the nourishment needed to go back and face it.

Lovingly stubborn she finds a way of reaching us, reminding us of her presence even in blogland where we attempt to give words to her ways, through pictures,words symbolism and metaphor but more through our personal experience and daily circumstances.

As I close the cover on Time and a word as if a book, I do so with the knowledge that as with many good books that reach in and speak to me and touch my heart... teach me something about myself and others I will no doubt go back and revisit, they do not fall silent in the heart and mind, those words that carry meaning in that place and time.

What we call the end is often the beginning, for the end is where we start from..T.S.Elliot.

In the true beauty of nature is the true nature of beauty

Listening to the words of Born Free reminds me that though the very nature of life involves caring,responsibility and commitment to working for the best possible, the struggle at times,its not easy to experience that born free ideal, doesnt seem possible,yet it is in those moments when the communion with mother nature allows me to lay it all down for a while, it becomes real, possible if only for a short time and its a beautiful moment to experience.

May we all find the true nature of beauty in our daily lives and appreciate those who remind us of its presence....Thankyou Stewart


RUTH said...

It's with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to Time And A Word; may Sx soon find a way through his present turmoil and find peace in his heart and mind.

Audrey said...

Yes Ruth, I know (((Hug))) and join you in your best wishes and return in his own words the wishes Sx holds for all in his heart
I wish you the best of health, sweetness, expanding horizons, growth and fulfilment. I wish you enwrapped always by the warmth of loved ones, freedom from trauma and turbulence.
I wish you rasberry or mango sorbet on hot summer evenings.*

The last wish reminds me of the simple things that matter :)

Dan said...

Audrey, this is a beautiful post, one of the loveliest things you ever wrote.

Am I wrong in concluding that you are saying goodbye to the blogosphere? Or perhaps just to a friend?

If you're leaving, I will miss you. Hugs.

Icarus said...

She had better not be, Dan! I can think of a thousand reasons why she mustn't.
Today has been the worst so far. My mind & body awoke, but without any strength, so that I passed through the entire day like dust carried on the wind, with no home to come to.
I was mystically urged to come here. For once, no "Why?". Look what a surprise, what a monument was waiting for me! Not a monument to me, but to you. What a human being you are. I've said before that you have the power to perceive things and postulate ideas about me that even I had been able to see. The kind of vision that makes the spine tingle sometimes.
You are a woman who not only wants the best for others besides yourself people, but who is prepared to fight for it. That is, to me, the definition of the perfect mother. Fathers are not generally like that.
When I was reading your words, I liked the way you started referring to an unnamed "She". Although I realised who she was, it mirrored precisely another, human "she". It was my own mother, who taught me and instilled all those things in me, after I survived & grew up. The quest for everything and everyone of beauty was implanted in me by her. And, as I wrote in the elegy that appears for her on the grave-stone, she gave everything; she was a gift to us all.
I realise that it no accident that your children are the way they are. With you as their mum, how could it be different?
I think back 12 short months, when I was still strong, able to fight, not yet contamined, submerged & altered by this place, to what Time & a Word was already like, the interaction with so many people, who I say in all modesty, made it clear that They appreciated it too. And I was so grateful.
Then I think of its next phase, from mid-Autumn, as things started to get harder, but we had a new nucleus of friends in need, much rapidly fashioned, deep empathy. We could laugh and cry together, share our burdens and thoughts in all sincerity, the soundtrack and map of real friendship.
I once wrote, as the balance inexorably wore away, that the silence and the words via keyboards were no longer sufficient & that what I needed was close 3-D contact with people I trusted, admired, cared for. I ideally would have a different little village to this one (with trees, flowers, sky, beach), or a block in a fabulous city (guess which!), where some well-chosen, necessary friends could always be safely within visiting distance, for a chat, a coffee, a laugh, a walk, a dance. And Ruth, you and a few others would be my neighbours of choice!!! . My instinct regarding people has rarely let me down.
As Jaques Brel sang: "Ne me quittes pas, ne me quittes pas, ne me quittes pas...".
Now, friends, don't leave any of that sorbet!!
It's called love, Auds. The simple kind.

Gledwood said...

I don't get why Time and a Word is closing ... is this a terribly complicated long story?
As for what you said about work: not being allowed to discuss your personal life with the patients ... who on earth has the right to set rules like that?
It's hardly condusive to good mental recovery is it for patients to know they are being treated with extra kid gloves at all times...
Anyway I would have thought it was obvious if you're working with very vulnerable people you don't say TOO much about yourself as certain people are wont to become obsessive. That doesn't mean telling them nothing though!
My oh my oh my I don't know what else to say about that except I'm glad everyone else was mad because of that test, not just me.

Audrey said...

No Dan, no goodbyes, more like Poustina which I believe is Russian for 'heart space' before we continue on our journey. Thank you for your encouragement and all the belly laughs you bring xx Auds

Audrey said...

SXX In an ordinary world at times beautiful, times shabby and forlorn, you meet with remarkable people who not only interweave but have the power of true connection, not only word but shown in their action. I value you as one of those remarkable individuals.

Im guessing Paris.....but I could be wrong.

Wishing you all things good xx Auds

Audrey said...

Gledwood, I read your post the other day and found myself saying yes! true picture all too often.

The powers that be reviewed the policies and procedures, new directors,clean sweep, sadly most of them come now from the world of finance and business where people are sidelined in the name of profit.

Your right there is a need for care in what we share, but sadly too many workers take the policy too literally and almost adopt a stance of name, rank and serial number only, bit extreme but that how it feels to me when I witness the closing down of any meaningful working relationship through the words 'Im not allowed to tell you this or that'

I cannot enter someones life,expect them to express who they are in all their vulnerability and not make the effort to find a safe appropriate way of sharing parts of who I am and make space for meaningful communication. I sometimes put it down to laziness or a jobs worth attitude, but thats not about the person who needs support and encouragement. Team meetings can be more challenging than the issues that arise with the people we support at times.

Keep strong and lol what was that questionairre like, talk about black and white and no in betweens, we are all in good company it appears. x Auds