Below is the first post I ever posted amost a year ago in Every now and Then,pre Forca days. Although in a sense Im still in the same place I was a year ago, much has happened and much has changed. Ive learned patience and not to react to the disappointment as 2007 draws to an end and Im still not legally a free woman. In a sense I feel like a woman waiting to give a decent burial to a marraige that ended well before I left, the ritual of marking and respectfully laying to rest something that I at one time put so much of myself into.
To be honest it saddens me to think of my soon to be ex opening his bill for his legal fees, because that perhaps will be the moment he realises that 8years of his life were also wasted hanging on and preventing closure just for that feeling of power and control. Its not what I would have chosen for either of us but equally not something I will be losing any sleep over.
So here I am still waiting to go to Africa,patiently enduring, yet so many things to be grateful for on the journey through 2007. Pat and I had our first serious adult conversation about his time in Iraq this weekend, both sharing our different experiences and I have to say it was tender to see Patrick moved by a mothers perspective. These are the moments in life that I know I will look back and remember as the years roll by regardless of what happens.
I remember the warmth of my blog friends who fed and nourished me whilst he was away and I was full of worry. Clarissa Pinkola Estes wrote " Warmth is a mystery. It somehow heals and engenders us. It is the loosener of too tight things, it enhances flow, the mysterious urge to be, the maiden flight to fresh ideas. Whatever warmth is, it draws us closer, and closer yet. Friends who love you and have warmth for your creative life are the very best suns in the world.
Perhaps one year on the last paragraph answers the first question I wrote......I was drawn by the warmth, closer and closer yet..what more can one ask for on a cold December evening.
other than a little night music and a warm hearth. Forca to you all
How did I get here?
As I write Im wondering and trying to remember how I got here......The first blog I read that caught my attention and touched something deep inside that kept me coming back. That led to the others so varied that kept me coming back, then leaving a comment here and there.......would it matter...would they matter-my words. So many beautiful creations...so many wise words...so much diversity..so many gifting a glimpse of their personal lives, the art, the passion and at times the struggle, the simple sharing of words and images taking anothers time and effort..opening up a whole new perspective, new vision
Then the niggling feeling that somehow I was being greedy, sitting here being fed..nourished, my comfort zones being challenged, words that lingered........the feeling that this is taking me on a journey with no destination, the mystery, the exploration..........the big question.........What do I have to offer...If I reach inside myself...what can I bring?
Im a gypsy at heart...its in my blood..I love to wander/wonder and explore both pysical and mental........Every now and then my soul gets seized by this desire to take off........Driving home sometimes my automatic pilot turns the wheel to the left yet part of me has carried on travelling down that highway...I long to travel in reality........however being mother to seven children and raising them, seeing them through degrees, supporting them till they got set up and I could breathe that sigh Ahhh thats it!!! Now I can go, now I can make the preparations, the plans.. Now its my turn
There is so much I want to see, so many places I want to go...so many experiences I simply must experience...The african safari on horse back, sleeping under the stars, to be close to the wild....The orphanage I must visit.....the children, the smiles the stories, the challenge...the giving the recieving
I Had wondered what my blog could possibilly be about, its content...its purpose....Perhaps this is simply for me....to track a dream....accompany myself on that journey....keep me strong...committed...not to let every day life side track me as it can so easily do....
The journey begins, here... now...on this blog...first things first...must work out how to create and post and.....and...and ...wish me luck this is all so new....so exciting!!!